What's next?

Just over a year ago, my watch broke. Now, I am a planner and an organizer. But, I decided that I couldn't find a watch that I liked, and that it was going to be a great opportunity for personal growth to not have a watch. I was going to learn to relax and go with the flow and be patient and not obsess over plans and just take life as it happens. In other words, I was going to become a person entirely unlike myself.

And I discovered some things. The first leap of faith for me was that there would be a time keeping piece around when I needed to know what time it was. There would be a clock on a wall or on a building, or on my palm or on a friends wrist. And you know, I haven't been disappointed in this - I've learned to have some faith that I will be able to figure out what time it is.

Not having a watch and not having Gabriel have taught me a lot about my tendency to plan too much, organize too much, and always be looking to that next big thing. I was always planning the next project, the next challenge, the next day. And so, here I am, not sure what time it is, and I can't really plan beyond an hour from now. And, that's been ok. It's not a particularly bad way to live. You don't need to plan everything, only some things.

But, on days like yesterday, I fall into that old habit of "What's next?". I mean it, too. I didn't get the job. That was frustrating, but mostly it was just a shitty end to a crappy day, what with the friend from hell. And I'm looking around at where I am, and obviously not liking it, and I'm thinking "what's next".

And I just don't have any great answers. All these options, and no idea what to do.