Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

Well, it's not Monday, but it was raining a bit when I came back from lunch today. Today would appear to be a sad day. I walked into the public library, on my way to the altar of caffeine the Second Cup, and the Sculptors Guild of Alberta has a new exhibit. Called Form Unfolding, it features a life sized, very pregnant woman. She's really quite lovely. (And for $4,200 she could be mine, but I digress). She's holding her very pregnant belly, and I don't know why, but that's the thing that hurts the most.

I remember how much I touched my stomach while Gabriel lived there. DH did too, he touched, he talked, he read stories. I remember not even thinking about my hand resting there. I remember feeling him kick while I waited for the labour to start. I remember. Perhaps there is that horrific pang because we hold our bellies to hold our child - to keep them safe, and I was utterly unable to do this. Is some very real sense, I failed to keep my child safe, in spite of everything.

I heard this play while I sat at Second Cup, and I made another adjustment from what was supposed to be, to what is.

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace'
Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Leann Rimes, Probably wouldn't be this way