Speak To Me

Dog the Smaller is lying on the futon, in her mummy's craft room, snoozing away. The other dog, let's call her Dog the Stupider, is lying in the hallway. It is 2 am, and the felines and humans are sound asleep.

Dog the Smaller begins to dream. Her legs are moving, she is running, she has almost got that bunny, and she lets out a really very small woof. A woof that says "Come here little dream bunny, I won't hurt you little dream bunny". Dog the Smaller lies in her dreams apparently.

Dog the Stupider hears this bark, and immediately, with no thought to personal safety or sanity (who am I kidding, there's no thought there, ever) rushes to the front door, and begins to bark.

Woof, Woof, Growl, rotten humans, on my sidewalk, in my yard, rotten humans going to steal my street again, rotten humans, yelling, must bark to protect mummy and daddy, must bark to make sure that no one steals my food bowl. Must bark, bark, bark. Woof, woof.

Dog the Smaller is awoken from dreams of rabbit seduction and sedition, and she hears Dog the Stupider barking, so she rushes downstairs, barking and growling.

And they bark and growl. And finally Dog the Smaller looks at Dog the Stupider and says " So, sis, why're we barking? Huh? I mean I was having this *great* dream about rabbits (mmm, rabbit) and then you were barking and I came on down to help you out, but there's nothing down there, and at some point a bleary eyed human will come down the stairs, and we'd better be barking at something. So, whatcha barking at, huh?"

And Dog the Stupider, well she says "I bark cuz you bark sis. I rushes downstairs to protectz my food bowl and the fridgeratorz the front door because I hear you is barking. Ize a good protecshun dog."

And Dog the Smaller, refusing to look at her sister says "Right, this is the way it's going to be. I'm going upstairs. You can follow me. We.Are.Not.Going.To.Talk.About.This."

And there you have it. Life in the Spit household.