A princess story

So Mon Liege has purchased a device to bring peace and order and joy and happiness to the mythical realm of Spitdom. This device, a Kindle, will make an everlasting difference to Mon Liege's life. Indeed, Mon Liege has been tracking it obsessively, since it left the furthest southern environs of the great land of America, (the only place producing and selling such wonder devices) until it arrived here. When he lost track of it in Winnipeg, I truly feared that he was about to send out a national task force. Which would not find the Kindle, but would somehow find a way to blame all of Canada for all the Kindle's problems.

Said device, this mysterious Kindle, could not actually be purchased in the dominion of Canada, indeed Mon Liege had to engage in international skulduggery to get said device here to the mythical realm of Spitdom. Did you know that Mr. Spit had a brother named George Spit? Neither did I. Does seem to be something that should have come up. (And I wonder, would I like that Sister-In-Law better?). Said device was ordered and procured and set up by the wondrous and amazing Paige, who is a queen among women! She may also have broken state and federal laws, but surely I can grant her immunity in the realm of Spitdom.

But, really, this is a story about a princess.

So, the fairest princess in the mythical land of Spitdom (ok, the only princess around, but move on!) was sitting at her desk this morning. When she received a phone call that there was a package for her in the mail room. She went tripping down to the mail room.

No, really. She tripped over her own two feet on the way into the mail room. It was not her most princess-like moment of the day.

Our princess carried the box, held aloft, so that all might see it's electronic goodness and salivate. But not on the box please, that's gross! She prayed she would not get stuck in the elevator again, like last Thursday. Being stuck in the elevator necessitated a $75 emergency wool purchase, to bring the princess's heart rate down again. They used a crow bar to get us out. Honestly, a crow bar.

The princess carried the box back to the hamster farm cubicle of awe that she works in. She grabbed the tech guy she works with, preventing him from going to the loo, and said "you have to see this." She opened the box. Carefully. Trying not to stab herself with the scissors. (this is the princess who tripped over her own feet.) She pulled out the white box, carefully lettered "Kindle". She held it up. She bodily prevented the tech guy from touching it. (perhaps there was some blandishment of scissors. Nothing is to great to protect the instrument of wonder and delight for Mon Liege)

She decided that she would not attend the study group for her PMP exam that evening. Nay, she would ignore the pressing need to study for a 3 hour exam that causes lesser brains to sweat blood. No, she is a smart princess. Surely she can meander through the PMP with a flick of her wand. She'll merely show them her crown and carry on. Nay, she would arrange to deliver this package of electronic marvel to Mon Liege, who had a plasma appointment, and was heartbroken that he would not have the Kindle.

Nay, the princess drove home like, well, Fergie heading to a sale of half-priced pastries. She possibly exhibited the tiniest of un-princess like behaviour. She ignored the mail, changed into her royally appointed Kindle delivery wardrobe, and let the fairy gnomes err, dogs out. They looked really fetching in their tu-tu's and tiara's. (Pink goes so well with mastiff slobber. Such a nice contrast.)

The princess hopped back into her princess-mobile, and drove across town, through downtown in rush hour. Sigh, dear subjects, rush hour traffic does not even stop for princesses. She drove through town, to the Blood Services Centre, where her Liege was going to be be, doing his royal duty, donating plasma. She kept looking out the window at the storm clouds brewing, and listening to the radio, which was suggesting that there was a mere %30 chance of rain. "Not so", said the princess, as the rain drops began to fall on the windshield. "I'd say %100 now".

Possibly, before driving across town she also stopped at a Subway, to get some dinner. Where she left the Kindle in the car, not wanting to get any food detritus on it. So, she spent her time ordering, with her back to the clerk, watching the car obsessively, trying to decide if she would hit any culprits trying to bring harm to the wonder Kindle, by hitting them with her purse, or possibly her shoes. (She decided on the shoes, as the purse is really quite nice.) She reorganized the restaurant so that she could always see out the window, to the Kindle's resting place. She did not go to the loo, fearing to let the wonder kindle out of her sight. She also may have had two cookies, but we don't need to talk about that, now do we?

The princess eventually made it across the bridge, all the way to the Whyte Ave district, in spite of the very best efforts of a troll driving a Buick Crown Victoria, who insisted on hogging both lanes of a very narrow bridge, while only driving 45 (28 mph for the American's!). She spent her time, and there was lots behind this troll, considering how to get the Kindle package of awe into the building, without it getting rained on. A variety of options were considered and summarily tossed, including the possibility of wrapping the Kindle in her shirt. (The princess realized this would leave nothing to wrap her, ahem, rather large rack princess-worthy chest in.)

Indeed, with nothing left for it, the princess decided that she would simply stick the device of wonder and glory under her shirt, and make a run for it. This was, perhaps more dangerous than one might have imagined, given the experience of the mail room. But truly, is there any sacrifice to great to protect the wonder and joy of a Kindle for Mon Liege?

Finally, the princess arrived at the front door. She straightened her tiara, found her royal orb, and brought forth the device of Kindle goodness, and gifted it to the receptionist who said

"What's that?".

Honestly, the things I do for Mon Liege.