I brought my Yarn Harlot books to Saskatchewan, all 5 of them. I was truly not sure that I would have the courage to ask. It's one thing to ask a favourite author to sign a book, 5 books seems a bit excessive, and signing 1 story about a baby born still seems just off.
I was looking forward to the book, in early November, 2007, when it shipped with the Amazon order: a few of Dr. Sear's books, Barb Colorosso's Kids are Worth it, and The Secret Life of a Knitter. And I will tell you now, as I go and look at these books on my shelf, knowing that I gave away the book on ages and stages - because I knew that I would read it after Gabriel's death, read it and imagine things as they were not, could never be - I will tell you that it seems slippery, illusory, transitory, that I should remember any of this, any of that time, at all.
I fell into bed that night and I started reading. The Yarn Harlot is a humorist. Or at least - you will find her books as Knitting - Humour. It is, as she she said in her talk, a niche market. And it's true, the Yarn Harlot is uproariously funny. She is a story teller. To tell stories, all stories, and especially funny stories, is to see life, truly. And I suppose when you see life this way, all things are not funny.
Some women, some women, tell me that they knew their baby was going to die. There was a sign, a feeling, a knowing. I will tell you that I did not know. I did not know Gabriel's story. I did not know that babies died.
I brought the book to the front on Saturday night, my name tag marking page 153. I asked her to sign a story, and opened the book.
"You liked this story?" She asked, question in her voice.
No, no. A thousand times, no. But at the start of November, 2007, I did not know that babies' died. I did not know.
A month later, in a dark hospital room, my midwife quilting in the corner:
"It is a horrible truth that you must finish what you start, even though it seems too sad to do."
Pearl McPhee, Stephanie. "'One Little Sock': The Secret Life of a Knitter". (Kansas City: Andrews McMeel Publishing) 153-156.