That's Nice

Did I ever tell you the official Lucy Baker School Joke?

Well. Sit right down and let me tell you. You'll have to imagine my really bad imitation of a southern drawl.

There were two southern ladies rocking away on the front veranda of a big old Southern House. Let's call them Savannah and Shelby.

The Savannah looked at Shelby and said, "When I had my first baby, my husband bought me a big old diamond ring."

Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah said "And when I had my second baby, why my husband, he bought me a whole new wardrobe!".

And Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah carried on, "When I had my third baby, he bought me a trip around the world."

And Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah finally looked at Shelby and said, "And what did Macon do for you?"

Shelby looked up, "He sent me to charm school".

"Charm School! Whatever did he do a thing like that for?" Savannah asked.

Shelby smiled. "So I could learn to say 'That's nice' instead of f-you!"


Lately, when I talk about getting pregnant again, people ask if I'm going to use Chlomid again. Especially if they know about the miscarriage. Why not, they ask, try to get pregnant on your own this time?

Umm, I don't ovulate. I have, quite seriously, gone years without ovulating. My body is not good at it. It manages to get up the effort about once every three years. If you want reliability, buy a Maytag. My body, it requires assistance. It's the Alfa Romeo of bodies. Nice to look at, but it spends a lot of time in the shop. Reliable ovulation? Try the next woman.

I'm perplexed. What on earth is wrong with Chlomid? Why is the hell of trying to get pregnant naturally better? Do babies conceived with the aid of Chlomid have Serophene stamped on their forehead? Are they somehow handicapped for the rest of their life? "I'm sorry teacher, I can't speak a second language, my mum used Chlomid to get pregnant with me?" Do I get more points if I blindly try for three years, poking my ovaries and reading to them from Crossen's Synopsis of Gynaecology, trying to explain what they should be doing?

I don't have a problem with using Chlomid. Sure, I'd like to get pregnant without drugs or doctors or blood work. That would be exciting. But, umm, that's not my life. In my life, I use drugs to get pregnant. I want a baby. I'm extraordinarily fortunate, drugs get me pregnant. Let's do some simple math: Want to get pregnant = use Chlomid!

Would someone tell me: why the hell would I spend my life charting and praying and crossing my damn eyebrows to get pregnant "naturally"(1)? I don't have a problem using drugs. Hell, I'm a huge proponent of better living through chemistry. Chlomid worked for me! A next pregnancy is going to be a living hell for me, what with the whole pre-e/dead baby/trash kidneys, possibly have stroke thing. Tell me again, why I need to struggle to get pregnant in the first place?

My answer to the question, "Are you going to try on your own?"

Umm, "That's nice."

(1)Mr. Spit would like you to know, it was, ahem, a natural conception. Yep, his part was all natural.