To Live in Hearts We Leave Behind is Not to Die

We are a group, those of us who live in lost baby land, and those who care enough to walk with us. We stand, shrouded in silence, in sorrow, in grief. We stand together, holding lights to mark those who are not with us. Holding hands and hearts for comfort. And we give each other the gift of remembrance. We hold memory as a sacrament, a duty, a hallowed responsibility.

We lift our faces and our voices and we recite names and dates and memories.

We keep life that is gone from this world still alive in our hearts.

Katie and Carena and Ciara-Rose.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Revelations 21:4

Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

Max Goes to the Vet

So this is where we stood after the last vet visit . We had a bit of a do over today, to try to get the rest of the check up done.









Mmmm hmm. If you'll excuse me, I have polysporin to dab on the gashes and a new shirt to buy.

Bad Blogger (Wednesday's are for Grammar!)

Blogger ate the grammar post. Grammar haters! If you did your homework, unfortunately, Blogger ate it. I'm sure it's very sorry.

Well everyone, your homework was to decide and make a good case for whether or not this sentence was punctuated correctly.

If Mrs. Spit were pregnant, she would not go whitewater rafting.

The correct answer is "was".


There were two big giveaways to this question. Firstly, I told you that I wasn't pregnant. Which meant that this was an indicative mood - a case of either or. Because you knew my state, you knew that I wasn't pregnant. Secondly, remember in the example, I used the example of pregnancy - as a black or white thing(1)Therefore, we would most accurately say: If Mrs. Spit was pregnant, she would not go whitewater rafting.



Who Gets to Post This Week's Coveted Grammar Award

Well, I'm very proud to say that everyone who did their grammar homework passed(2).
This week
- JuliaS
- SAHW
- Excavator
-Sweet Camden Lass
All get the button.
A friendly reminder - your button is only good for a week. If you don't do your homework, you don't get to keep the button. If you don't take the button down, your pants will fall down in public, you will break a nail and your car will begin to belch purple smoke. You may also come home to a mailbox stuffed with zucchini. Honest.

This Week's Lesson: Punctuation
Let's start by looking at the punctuation marks. I'm going to be hauling out the seminal work(3) on the subject, Mind the Stop: A Brief Guide to Punctuation by G.V. Carey. There are, according to my hero, Mr. Carey, two types of punctuation marks: the heavy ones and the light ones. Let's start with the heavy ones.
- The Period or Full Stop
- The Semi-Colon
- The Colon
- The Exclamation Mark
- The Question Mark
- Quotation Marks

The Period
Periods come at the end of sentences. Periods tell us that the sentence has ended.(4) We also use them to denote an abbreviation - for example, Mr.; B.Sc., A.M, P.M.

Mrs. Spit always uses full sentences in the A.M. Sometimes she forgets in the P.M.(5)

The Semi-Colon
A semi-colon separates independent clauses, when they are NOT joined by a co-ordinating conjunction (6). Yes, yes, I can hear you now. This is confusing. Essentially the rule is this: if you could use and, or, but, nor, yet and the like, remove that conjunction and plunk in your semi-colon. Not sure if you have an independent clause? Independent clauses must stand on their own, they should be able to be a sentence in their own right.

Mrs. Spit has a latte; she is not sharing it.

The Very Special, Very Important 'however' Rule.

This is a big deal in Mrs. Spit's world. She gets quite frenzied over it. When you use: however, on the other hand, therefore or the like, you punctuate in a particular way:

Mrs. Spit is a nice lady; however, when you use bad grammar, she becomes irate.

Did you notice the comma after however? Good. Don't forget to put it in.

The Colon
A colon introduces a list of items, can be used to amplify a statement, to introduce formal quotes (this isn't very common) and in a few other particular circumstances.
It is always correct to use a colon in the following circumstances:
- After a Salutation (Dear Ma'am:) - In time (8:40)
- Quoting Chapter and Verse (Romans 5: 1-5)
- To make the title of any book or paper sound more spiffy. See Mr. Carey's book above.

The Exclamation Mark
We use these when we are very excited. Unless you are a teenage girl, you only use 1.
I am quite firm on this!

The Question Mark
Question marks are only used after direct questions. A direct question is a question that demands an answer.

Mr. Spit, did you do your grammar homework?

Quotation Marks
Double: Double quotation marks enclose direct speech -when you are quoting someone else. Some writers may also put short stories, plays, articles and novella's in quotation marks. This is a matter of personal preference.
Single: We use single quotes to offset speech within a quote, to indicate a word is from another language, or to denote sarcasm -'that's nice'.

Mrs. Spit thinks some people are 'precious'. "Why God Bless your little heart" she says, when she meets them.

Your Homework
Punctuate this short paragraph correctly. (you will need to capitalize where appropriate!)

I need to go grocery shopping for a few essentials i need milk eggs bread and a skein of 100 percent cashmere for a new project dear Mr Spit said did you think I wouldn't notice the addition of your essential cashmere safeway doesn't sell wool and I have told the local yarn store to ban you from their doors

Also: for those of you interested in the choose your own question option for 'Wednesday's are for Grammar', can you e-mail me your questions. Don't send them in the comments, as the comments will be full of people doing their homework, right class?

*****
(1) Although, in a world with a 2 week wait, paper pregnancies and the like, I'm not sure how exact this actually is. Perhaps I should have used living and deceased!
(2) Four people did their homework. Now class, this is not acceptable. Geohede had a by, what with the twins and all, but the rest of you? You had a 50% chance of getting it right. Mrs. Spit is extremely disappointed in you.
(3) You have a very dirty mind. Yes, you.
(4) A friendly reminder, you cannot force a sentence to be a sentence by starting with a capital. And ending with a period. It just doesn't work that way. We'll talk about what makes a sentence later.
(5) Did you note that I only used one period? This is a style thing. I find it confusing to use two periods, although technically that would be correct in this instance.
(6) Refresh your memory here.

That's Nice

Did I ever tell you the official Lucy Baker School Joke?

Well. Sit right down and let me tell you. You'll have to imagine my really bad imitation of a southern drawl.

There were two southern ladies rocking away on the front veranda of a big old Southern House. Let's call them Savannah and Shelby.

The Savannah looked at Shelby and said, "When I had my first baby, my husband bought me a big old diamond ring."

Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah said "And when I had my second baby, why my husband, he bought me a whole new wardrobe!".

And Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah carried on, "When I had my third baby, he bought me a trip around the world."

And Shelby said, "That's nice."

Savannah finally looked at Shelby and said, "And what did Macon do for you?"

Shelby looked up, "He sent me to charm school".

"Charm School! Whatever did he do a thing like that for?" Savannah asked.

Shelby smiled. "So I could learn to say 'That's nice' instead of f-you!"

******

Lately, when I talk about getting pregnant again, people ask if I'm going to use Chlomid again. Especially if they know about the miscarriage. Why not, they ask, try to get pregnant on your own this time?

Umm, I don't ovulate. I have, quite seriously, gone years without ovulating. My body is not good at it. It manages to get up the effort about once every three years. If you want reliability, buy a Maytag. My body, it requires assistance. It's the Alfa Romeo of bodies. Nice to look at, but it spends a lot of time in the shop. Reliable ovulation? Try the next woman.

I'm perplexed. What on earth is wrong with Chlomid? Why is the hell of trying to get pregnant naturally better? Do babies conceived with the aid of Chlomid have Serophene stamped on their forehead? Are they somehow handicapped for the rest of their life? "I'm sorry teacher, I can't speak a second language, my mum used Chlomid to get pregnant with me?" Do I get more points if I blindly try for three years, poking my ovaries and reading to them from Crossen's Synopsis of Gynaecology, trying to explain what they should be doing?

I don't have a problem with using Chlomid. Sure, I'd like to get pregnant without drugs or doctors or blood work. That would be exciting. But, umm, that's not my life. In my life, I use drugs to get pregnant. I want a baby. I'm extraordinarily fortunate, drugs get me pregnant. Let's do some simple math: Want to get pregnant = use Chlomid!

Would someone tell me: why the hell would I spend my life charting and praying and crossing my damn eyebrows to get pregnant "naturally"(1)? I don't have a problem using drugs. Hell, I'm a huge proponent of better living through chemistry. Chlomid worked for me! A next pregnancy is going to be a living hell for me, what with the whole pre-e/dead baby/trash kidneys, possibly have stroke thing. Tell me again, why I need to struggle to get pregnant in the first place?

My answer to the question, "Are you going to try on your own?"

Umm, "That's nice."

*****
(1)Mr. Spit would like you to know, it was, ahem, a natural conception. Yep, his part was all natural.

Dreaming

Someone asked me if I dreamt about Gabriel. (1)

No.

And I never did.

Truth be told, I don't dream. Well, I do. My MIL the psychologist assures me that I dream every night. Several times a night. She assures me that I do dream. I just don't remember my dreams.

I am a thinker, not a dreamer. Maybe it's why I can't write poetry, I am stuck in the solid world of prose. Even as a child, my day dreams had to be based on solid fact. I could never completely leap into a particular fantasy. There had to be fact, something solid about it, for me to fully give myself over to it. But as long as it seemed like it could exist in the real world, well, then I could fully give myself over to it.

For years, I regarded it as my biggest vice that I always seemed to live in the next moment. Not the moment I was currently in, but already anticipating the next thing. Mentally, looking past where I was to where I was heading next. And I suppose we could make much hay out of this tendency. I could spend hours and thousands on a couch somewhere, talking about why - but truth be told, I don't know why. I don't know when I started this. I just remember always doing it. And I'm not all that sure the why really matters.

And if you asked me what I dreamed about, before Gabriel, I would have answered with these thoughts - living in the next moment. I would have told you about going to the Carrot for babes in arms. I would have told you what car seat we picked out. I would have told you I was thinking about taking salsa babies. How satisfied I was that I got to join the Smugs in the nursery, carry a baby into church on mother's day and father's day. And I would have called these things dreams.

Perhaps, you would see the incongruity of the situation, if I told you this. Upon faced with a new challenge, a new opportunity, a new crisis in my life, I immediately begin to asses what the worst possible outcome is.(2) Yes, I know this isn't normal. But, it's what I have always done. I'm a helluva project manager, and pretty useful in a crisis. After all I've already thought about the remedy.

And after I have established worst possible outcome and how I will cope, I begin to think about what would be better than that outcome. I don't know if I think about the best outcome, but at least I think about better outcomes.(3) I would call that dreaming. But I'm not sure if anything so tied to the real world, so tied to the realm of possibility, is actually what is meant by dreaming. I don't know if it's a dream when it's so limited by what could actually be possible. Why dream of a full 40 weeks, I think. That's not even remotely possible. 34 weeks is a huge stretch.

I have, in the back of my mind, a post about what I have learned since Gabriel died. And I can't write it. I don't know what I have learned yet. I have some glimpses. I know what I want: to emerge kinder, more compassionate, living a slower life, fitting others in when they are hurting. I want to hear the subtext of the conversation, not the words. I want to stop being so damn nice, and start being honest. I want to cut out the extra crap. I want to call things what they are. I want to keep my new sense of priorities.

But, I don't know where I'm going with those things. I don't know what the end of them will be. Maybe, I'll change my mind about the virtue of being honest, maybe I'll decide other things are more important.

Some months ago, my parish priest asked me what my dreams are. And I looked at her, perplexed. My dreams, my plans, my future they involved bringing home a baby. They didn't involve the work, study, garden, do housework, sleep, go back to work treadmill I'm on. After all, a baby was my ticket out of a job I despise.

I suppose, I am making some tentative plans about a next pregnancy. Resolving not to plant a garden that I won't be around to care for. Listing books to read and movies to watch on bed rest. Figuring out Internet and email and phone for the hospital. Figuring out companies that will provide Mr. Spit meals, deciding to hire a house keeper.

Occasionally, Mr. Spit and I talk about moving to Victoria. We talk about things to do with the house. We talk about taking our kids and driving across Canada one summer. We talk about taking more time for the things we like. But are these dreams? Not really. I'm not even really living in the next moment.

I suppose I could say this about dreaming, and things I have learned:

At 10:37 on December 10, 2007, I lost my ability to live in the next moment. I'm not even sure I can always live in this moment. And I never really did seem to have the ability to dream.

*********
(1) It was excavator, in a personal email. But it was such a good question.
(2) Which, for my pregnancy with Gabriel, was a C-Section in the hospital. Clearly I need to get better at my research.
(3). Between 34-36 weeks. I can birth vaginally, in the hospital, and likely nurse pretty quickly after the birth. Babies born at this gestation have few if any problems, and go home pretty quickly.

Monday Miscellany - Updated

• Would someone please explain to me why I have to confirm the dentist appointment *I* made? Yes I know, I made it waaaay back in June, and the appointment is not until September, but I said I'd be there. I wrote it on my calendar. I'm going to pay a stupid sum of money to hear that I need surgery, and I'm going to ignore it, because in the toss up between getting pregnant and having dental surgery (even with all the complications!) I still pick pregnancy. Hello, the possibility of a baby versus a shiny, new filling-like thing? Hello?
• And, on the subject of things that come up to early, would someone please tell Micheal's that Hallowe'en is not until the. end. of. October. It is August. It is wholly unreasonable to have your Hallowe'en stuff up. Fall is not here. It is STILL SUMMER. (In spite of all evidence to the contrary!)
• Everyone say thank you to Amy. She gave me an AWARD with a nice write up! I should put together a bling page!
• It's a holiday here in Alberta. Except for Mr. Spit. He's watching concrete trucks. Would you think of him? I promised too, when I rolled out of bed.
• And finally, would you go and vote in the Grammar poll? Right now, the grammar-haters are winning. Even if you never comment, would you go and take a look and pick an option?
  Thanks! (Update: Erm, yes Sam. That would be a poll. I'm trying to figure out what grammar pole is - the place on the map where all correctly conjugated verbs and rightly placed modifiers go to die?)

Weekends are for Quotes

If you pick up a starving dog

and make him prosperous,

he will not bite you.

This is the principal difference between

a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar