Help Me Out Here

So, as stated, Mr. Spit and I are going to Vegas. Joining us for the weekend is the lovely Martha, her outstanding husband, and her charming sons.

We need a hotel.

I'm indecisive. Really indecisive.

So, let me tell you what I am looking for:
  1. It must be reasonably priced. By reasonably priced, I mean that I will not pay more than $600, plus tax for 5 nights. I won't. You can't make me. Unfortunately that seems to rule out The Wynn, the Venetian, the Bellagio and Mandalay Bay (with 4 pools, sniff)
  2. It must be "theme-ish". I don't know how to describe it. I want the Vegas experience. I don't want the Hilton or the Marriott. I want fountains and marble and neon and scantily clad women and overpriced drinks. Bells and whistles and flashing lights. An alien space ship, a recreation of the amazon jungle. You get the point.
  3. It must be on the strip. Central would be great, but I hear there's a trolley thingy, so central is not essential.
  4. It must have a pool. This Canadian girl is going swimming outside on the 14th of December.
  5. It must be clean. It must have a bed and a bathroom. Bonus points will be awarded if the bed is a strange shape.
  6. I would prefer small child unfriendly. It must be teenager friendly. Martha's boys are lovely people, and I won't have them insulted because they are teenagers.

Any suggestions?