Letter to my DH

March 10, 2008

Mr. Spit.
Way the freak middle of nowhere, Alberta
Way too cold, Alberta.

Re: Hershey's Eggies(1) and your Kindle.

Dear Husband Mine:

While at Costco yesterday, I purchased a Costco sized bag of "Eggies" by Hershey. I purchased them with the sole and express intent of adding them to your package, containing your Kindle, which I would be sending by Greyhound, to you in Way the freak middle of nowhere, Alberta .

I did not, as your Mother-in-Law scurrilously asserted, purchase these to consume myself. Good grief, this is a 2.18 pound bag. No one would eat that many "Eggies" in one sitting. That would be piggy. No, I looked at the scurrilous mother in law (whom I might claim as a mother, when she's not making comments about my baser self), and I told her, that these "Eggies" were for my beloved darling, who is far away from home and really likes "Eggies". Furthermore, I asserted, the beloved husband purchased some "Eggies" of the Noel variety (featuring cunningly disguised bunnies, dressed like snow men) for Christmas and I horked them back ate them over a prolonged period of time, and why would she suggest such terrible things about her only daughter anyway?

I will take this opportunity to mention that I did open the bag, merely to check for defects in the "Eggies". I must admit, at this point things become a trifle unclear. Really rather unclear. OK, it's a total mystery to me. I do recall observing that some of them were broken. And I remain fully convinced that in a spirit of self sacrifice, purely for the betterment of man-kind, with no thought to my self, and clearly no thought to my waist line , I partook of a small-ish handful of the broken ones. Only so that such imperfection would not have to pass your perfect sight. Really, it was all for you, darling.

It was clearly still my intent to bundle up the package of "Eggies", take it to work, put it in with your kindle, and send it off to you, possibly blaming Delta that it was open. Yea, that was my intent. I am not sure what happened last night, but I will admit, the bag seems to have shrunk. It defies all the physics I know, there you have it. The bag has shrunk. Indeed, the bag is three-quarters, half, a quarter full. Look, let's just say that there's less in the bag when I bought it. All this business of size is making me dizzy.

Anyway it wasn't just me. Lori had 3. My mother (the diabetic!) had 1. I had 50 gazillion.

At any rate, by the time I went to go and mail your kindle, well, your kindle will be in there tomorrow. Let's just not talk about "Eggies" that may or may not have been purchased.

What do you mean you smell chocolate? Don't know what you are talking about. Do you suppose it's too late to blame the dog?

I remain,

Your humble, obedient and devoted servant,

Mrs. Spit.

I can't find a link to Hershey's Eggies anywhere. But they're like a Cadbury mini-egg.

And finally, Blogger does not spell check the titles of posts. Leading me to mis-spell qualification. I can spell it. Really.