Whinge-For-All Thursday Winner!

Is . . .

*insert drum roll here*

ALICIA

And honestly, this isn't a fix. The random number generator said 6. . . .

And she was number 6.

Just because she saw the scarf while I was working on it. . . .

Alicia, send me an email with your address, and I'll mail your scarf (or maybe we can meet 1/2 way in Red Deer, and I can touch your belly and say hi to Twinkle?)

Weekend Are For Quotes

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace.
And your best days are never so good that your beyond the need for God's grace.
Amen.
I will post the Whinge-For-All winner later today. We have obviously run into a glitch with the drawing process, now that the cat is not available to do it.

Maggie Doesn't Like Me

Early this morning, we left Delta in her kennel (all alone) and went to the vet. Things were going swimmingly. The vet tech made a fuss over her, rubbed her belly and gave her scratches.




She went off quite willingly. Didn't even look back at me.



I went to get her. Reviewed the x-rays with the Vet. (3 teeth need to be extracted. One is a good candidate for a root canal). No, you don't want to know what this is going to cost.

They brought her out. Limping where the IV line was.

She wouldn't even look at me. Was not the slightest bit pleased to see me.

I go into a room, she leaves it.

I gave her a small dinner tonight, not wanting to overload her tummy after the anaesthetic.

She's disgusted.

She's presently looking out the door window, wondering when Daddy, Nanna or *anyone* will come and rescue her from this mean, evil mum. Someone, would you please come rescue my much loved dog buddy, who just doesn't like me at all. Would you please tell her that this is for her own good, and she will feel much better afterwards. Honestly?






I'm not getting any of these tonight.

It's a hard thing when your buddy doesn't like you.

Umm

Umm.

Super Sexy shoes.

Oh,

You have no idea.

None

Of how bad my back hurts.

No,

Not my feet.

Not my legs.

Not even my knees.

Nope, lower back.

Excuse me.

I'm going to skip my blog post.

(where are those Epsom salts?)

The bath is running.

I'm going to get in now.

Have a great day.

In low-heeled shoes.

Abide

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.

Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.

Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.

Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.

Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.

The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
"I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,"
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the deaf,
Who can speak for the dumb?

All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.

Defenceless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

September 1, 1939
WH Auden
From "Another Time"
Published by Random House, 1940

Wendesday's are for Grammar (Capitalization)

Last Week's Homework:
Here are the corrected sentences. (The misspelling of grammarian was my mistake. As was the bizarre apostrophe in Mrs. Spit. Not sure where my brain was, sorry.)

There is a challenge in talking about grammar, and the way that people use it badly; one must make some sort of judgment about the person, who is, or is not using standard grammar. We necessarily make some sort of judgment about their intelligence, and possibly, their social standing. I prefer to assume that those who use poor grammar are ignorant, in the classical sense of the world. Not meaning rude or primitive, but unschooled, not knowing better. I am sure that they would like to do better.

The other challenge with English grammar is that standards of correctness vary. From time and country to the text book or style manual that you use. In my professional life, our style guide for writing often requires me to stretch the bounds of good English, to almost a breaking point. I have seen some awful mistakes and really bad wording.

Many of you have emailed me, from time to time, to ask me a particular grammar question. And I'm always happy to give answers. Really. But, sometimes, the questions are grey - it really is a matter of preference, or what country you live in. What Sam in the UK would find appalling, we would find quite normal. Sometimes you have to lay your expectations down.

So, with those provisos, I offer Mrs. Spit’s Grammarian Guide to Making Yourself Sound all Intelligent-like and making fewer mistakes.

Those who Get to Post The Coveted Button

JamieD
Heather
Martha
Excavator
Mr. Spit (Who is a first time participant, also!)
Geohede
Sweet Camden Lass
Beth
Dreams Come True


And today, Ladies (and gentleman!) We announce a new, special prize. Especially for keeners, those that go above and beyond the homework, find silly mistakes of mine, charm me with compliments, or type such an amusing answer, I can't help but laugh.

Ladies (and gentleman!), may I pronounce, The Shiny Red Pencil, For Keeners.

This week, we are giving the award to Schlup. Who did not actually do the homework, but did point out that I used a grocer's apostrophe in provisos. We all remember that grocer's apostrophes are bad, don't we now?
A firm reminder, buttons are only good for one week. Keep it on your blog longer, and your finger nails will turn black, your toilet will fill with blue goo, and your car tires will turn to mush.

This Week's Lesson: Capitalization
I must confess, this lesson was supposed to be about what a complete sentence is, but as I was meeting an old friend for a cup of tea, I came across a sign with the most random of capitalization. It truly irked me. Alas, it was behind glass, so I couldn't haul out my trusty red sharpie, and begin correcting.

Here's when we capitalize:

1. The first word of a sentence

Mrs. Spit is not a fan of random capitalization.

2. Items in a list, where each item makes a complete sentence.
There were three reasons for Mrs. Spit's knitting failure. (1) She picked a pattern with a number of errors. (2) She lost her knitting needles. (3) Mr. Spit continually bothered her to go play Wii tennis.

We would NOT capitalize the following list, because the items in the list are not complete sentences

Mrs. Spit bought wool, knitting needles and a pattern.

3. Capitalize the first letter of a quotation.
Capitalize the letter even if the words preceding the quote don't make a complete sentence. Do not capitalize the remainder of the quote, if you have broken it up in the sentence.
"Dear", Mr. Spit said, "we noticed that you have bought more wool?".

4. Capitalize the pronoun I.
I cannot tell you how obnoxious it is when people do not do this. I might perhaps accept it from a 12 year old girl, it is completely unacceptable in adults, and renders your writing to be illegible gibberish. Readers are trained to expect certain words to be capitalized. Play along with society's expectations in this case.

Dear Reader, do I really need to give you an example of this?

5. Capitalize proper nouns and proper adjectives.
Proper nouns are a specific person, place or thing - they are not at all general classes. Place names, people's names, that sort of thing. So, you wouldn't capitalize the word cat, but you would capitalize your cat's name.

Proper adjectives are derived from proper nouns. For example, a Japan is a proper noun, and Japanese literature, where the literature is the noun, and the adjective Japanese tells us about a particular type of literature, it describes the literature. Trademarks are also considered to be proper adjectives.

Mrs. Spit only buys Primo spaghetti sauce, Guiness beer and Scotty paper towels.

Proviso: Some brand names like Kleenex, Band-aids, Post-it Notes and the like have become so common place, that we don't use the capitalization for them, because they don't necessarily refer to a particular brand of goods, but refer to an entire class of goods. This makes them just an ordinary adjective. Yes, I know, the makers of the goods likely don't like this rule, but there you have it.

6. The random capitalization for effect.
Ah, Dear Reader, this gets confusing. Mrs. Spit has no problems with using grammar for style. She's actually quite a fan. But, there's a difference between style and not knowing what you are doing. Do this insensibly and you will look like a pretentious git. Here are her rules to try to bring some order to the unordered.
- Be consistent. If you are going to capitalize a word in a piece of writing that would not usually be capitalized, do so consistently in the entire piece of writing.

- Use this sparingly. There's nothing worse than seeing higgledy-piggledy capitalization. Perhaps it would help if you imagined a reader moving their eyes along the screen. When they come to a capitalized item, their head moves upward. Now dear reader, I want you to imagine what it would look like if their head was bobbing up and down. Yes Dear Reader, you get the picture.
- Do not, under any circumstances, randomly capitalize prepositions or conjunctions. I assure you, Dear Reader, there is no reason to give particular importance to the words "of" or "to" or "and".

Your Homework:
Write me a sentence that utterly violates every rule of capitalization.

Huh

Excuse me . . . .

Is it Friday?


Are you sure?

Can you check your calendar again?

Really?







Well, what about Thursday? Could it be Thursday?


No?

You're sure?

Honest?

sigh . . .

Ok.





I'll cope.

I will



Really.

I just bought these.







Friendly reminder:

Whinge-For-All Thurs ends tomorrow at midnight. There's a prize.

Yep, ends tomorrow. Whatever day tomorrow is.