I met Anna just over 3 years ago. In fact, I sneezed all over her. It was one of those horrible sneezes, and as someone who had just started with White Guys in Blue Ties, Inc. it was beyond humiliating. And she smiled at me, and laughed and said, "Oh, I'm a mum. I've had worse done."

And I say, over and over to myself today, that Anna died last night. She had a heart attack. She's gone.

Anna, mother of Emma, Wife of Alan, friend of mine. Anna who was 36. Anna Banana. Anna who emailed me on Monday to tell me that she was pregnant again, after a year of trying, Anna -friend of mine is dead. She had a heart attack, and she is gone.

Over and over I say it to myself, trying to make it real.