Not Fit for Human Consumption

I'm mad today. I woke up pissed off, I went to the gym pissed off, I ran on the treadmill pissed off, I had a shower, pissed off, I came home, pissed off. I made breakfast, got dressed, drove to work, had a meeting, answered email, went for coffee, you guessed it, pissed off.

Not livid, not furious, just plain disgruntled. I'm really not fit for company.

You know the hard thing about grief like this? It's boring. Every day I wake up sad. Every night, I go to bed, sad. It doesn't change. I'm tired of it. I miss Gabriel, but I'd like to be happy again. I'd like to fall asleep and wake up without remembering that I'm the mother of a dead child.

I'd like to be me again. Me before this happened. Me before Gabriel.

But I don't want to leave Gabriel behind.

So, today, I"m disgruntled. And not fit for company.